12/24/13: COMPASSIONATE LISTENING TRAINING IN NYUNDO, RWANDA

12/24/13: NYUNDO, RWANDA- COMPASSIONATE LISTENING TRAINING #5 

Opening Prayers at Nyundo CL Training

We woke to lots of activity as the Pastor's house was made ready for the party that would follow the baptism of his two youngest sons. Some of the men were ironing their dress shirts and pants, the little trash can (we've seen very few of these as there's little waste here) in the bathroom was taken out, and the floors were scrubbed (a daily chore). 

We were waiting for the fellow who was to meet us, bringing the last of the materials and guiding us to the bus/taxi. Marcel was a little late and we started feeling like we wouldn't have enough time to do the set up. This means of transport was going to be cheaper, but also slower. He arrived, a young student going to nursing school. We hiked up to the center of town which we hadn't even seen yet because our bus had landed us far from it and the main bus station. There was a large mosque there. Did I say that this was the most Muslim area we had visited in Rwanda? 

No need to worry, we had just enough time to set up and get started. Participants were prompt and we had at least one Muslim. About half the group was older, i.e. 30+. They also were the most experienced. Father Augustin runs the Association Ihumure, which sponsors clubs (support groups) for trauma survivors, troubled couples, and healing and transformation work. Those at the training were very capable professionals, serious about the volunteer work they are committed to. 

Augustin's introduction was a bit longer than usual and this time I felt the pressure of a deadline since we were supposed to be done by 1:30, have lunch, and be ready for a large group of kids we were to work with at 2 or so. Again, worrying was foolish. We were in good hands. I also was concerned about the number of interruptions as people's phones went off and they rushed outside to talk. We had considered asking them to turn the ringers off or, god forbid, turn them off entirely. But they are so much a part of the culture and, I think we were told they felt it to be an insult not to answer every call. I doubt anyone in Africa has a voice mail set up. 

CL TRAINING GROUP - NYUNDO 1

CL TRAINING GROUP - NYUNDO 2

Of note was a very moving exchange between our two volunteers for providing an example of the exercise "Stepping into another person's shoes."  Marcel, our young guide and a trained counsellor were the pair.  Marcel explained that he is an orphan and that he attended school because he had a sponsor from Great Britain.  One day the sponsor cut off funds, he could no longer attend school, there was no money for him to buy food for himself and his siblings and he felt suicidal. When he "stepped into the shoes" of his sponsor he spoke about how the sponsor did feel like he was a child of his but that funds were so tight that the sponsor couldn't even provide for his own children.  The counsellor expressed some anger at his sponsor in her voice, asking how he could possibly drop sponsorship.  This was the first deep exchange that was translated for us and it gave me great insight into the need for a sponsor to make a real commitment to provide for such a person until they gain livelihood.  These are real people, not abstract someones far away.

CL TRAINING GROUP - NYUNDO 3: MARCEL & COUNSELOR DEMONSTRATING
 "STEPPING INTO ANOTHER PERSON'S SHOES"

Marcel is doing well now, and is in nursing school in the Congo (because school is cheaper) although he needs to also work to feed his siblings, pay rent and such.  He was offered a scholarship to go to a school far away, but it didn't include room and board, so he didn't accept it because it was a place he couldn't work and he would be far from his family.  He does have a mother who remarried but the man is mean and does not want to take responsibility for his new wife's children, which is unusual because so many people take in orphans in both Rwanda and Uganda and probably other places.  Marcel was very serious about the training and wanted to have more opportunities. He took our e-mails, friended me on Facebook, and so I have been hearing from him recently.  He is just finishing his final exams and is nervous about passing.  Hopefully he will succeed, and then get a job in a clinic or hospital.  He is a good looking, intense fellow with a big story.

Yehudah and Joanie with Father Augustine,
5Coordinator of Inhumare & organizer of Nyundo CL Training

There is so much need each place we go.  Father Augustine needs funding for his trainings.  Theo needs money for HROC to pay for their new building and for their trainings.  20 years now after the Genocide the government has the attitude that the healing is complete and it is time to move on, but that is far from the truth.  Rather than building fancy hotels in Kigali this government should pour money into education and creating the infrastructure to employ their youth who, upon graduation, cannot find jobs.  Hopefully this will not be the case with Marcel or Vincent, both of whom will have good skills as nurse and electrical engineer.

Nyundo CL Group with their Certificates of Completion

This Muslim woman wanted to take a photo with us!

The training went very smoothly and dovetailed nicely with the arrival of 33 youngsters, ranging from 4 or so up to perhaps 15. They were attentive to Joanie's teaching of Che Che Kule, had their sweet bun and soda, and came back for more dance instruction. Joanie taught them The Hokey Pokey, which was lots of fun.








But they soon wanted to do some dancing of their own. I had heard that Nyundo had a lot of traditional dancers and mentioned this to Augustin. Whether he understood my question or not, he talked about these kids. Though they were not in traditional costume, they were phenomenal! The dances seemed to be focused on their relationships with each other, with perhaps some taunting, but the leaders kept changing and the outside circle followed.  It was all very dynamic.  Both boys and girls took leadership roles, although the oldest boy in a Boy Scout uniform was clearly the overall leader.  

 

Joanie decided to teach them a more challenging dance - Mayim - given their skill level, and so we ended the time with the kids with that dance.  They all joined in the chorus. Although Augustine said they were tired the children clearly did not want to leave.  But it was a sweet sharing and 3 dances seems like a good number - plus their wonderful sharing.y of people 

We couldn't get a bus close by so we walked 15 minutes uphill to the center of the next town. Marcel's idea was a good one, because the bus filled up long before it reached the place we started from. Along the way, Joanie practiced saying good afternoon in Kinyarwandan getting the usual response, yego, and a smile, from pretty much everyone. I got an enthusiastic smile and handshake from an elderly man with a USA t-shirt. A majority of people wear t-shirt made abroad and we're quite sure that very few of them know what the words mean on them. On this walk, I saw someone with an American flag and the words "these colors don't run." Sorta remember that one post 9/11. We could hear a river below us as we walked and, as with all the rivers we've seen, it runs brown from the massive erosion that is happening here. Marcel pointed out the tallest mountain in Rwanda, but it wasn't one of the volcanoes. 

 

 

 

Marcel asked if we were going back to the pastor's home or the church. When he told us there was a wedding at the church, we immediately knew that would be our destination. We arrived while the ceremony was close to its peak and the ushers seated us in the front row. There appeared to be a best man and maid of honor up front along with the couple and Pastor Etienne. The ring exchange happened with their arms stretched up into the air. Etienne was absolutely glowing throughout the ceremony as he read the various prayers. We didn't see a kiss or a first dance, but her gown was most definitely a white one with a long train in the tradition we are accustomed to. The choir got up on the low stage and our buddy, Francoise,was one of the folks with a mike blasting out an enthusiastic gospel tune. We figure that we can now consider this a business trip! ;-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We were considered among the honored guests and sat up front during the reception that followed.  The background music, which kept repeating, was translated to us as "marriage is good because God blessed it as he did with Adam and Eve. There were several cakes and one was cut at the beginning and later one was given to Etienne and his wife and another to the groom's parents. The bride and groom were instructed "show us how you plan to feed each other." They then, very tenderly, used a fork to feed one another. The banquet was pretty much the standard meal but with a bit of a twist and more variety: rice (2 kinds), fries (with fried onions) , beans, chewy meat (which is almost always served to you, perhaps to make sure that everyone gets some), cooked spinach, many trays of cucumbers, tomatoes, and cabbage in a fancy design with mayonnaise topping, pineapple, and little bags of salted nuts (which were delicious when mixed with the other dishes).  Folks went around opening bottles of Fanta asking which flavor you desired. I  grown fond of tonic water and Joanie a berry mix. It appeared that the kids were fed last. More enthusiastic singing and dancing started up again and various people stepped froward to announce their gifts: a chicken and rooster from the Pastor's family, rabbits from another, a goat, more chickens, and an envelope left in their house to help them in the future by the groom's parents. 

All this happened with the backdrop of a huge downpour followed by a spectacular electrical storm in the mountains. Lightning  appeared every few seconds for what seemed like hours. Interestingly, we could barely hear the rain pounding on the corrugated steel roof due to the volume of the amplified music and speeches. Luckily, we went home on the back of motos during a pause in the rain. I was on the Pastor's motorcycle with his young son in front of him. He took a particularly rocky route and I held on for dear life. Both Joanie and I got caught up on our email on the Pastor's computer. Not too much news from home and I was grateful that I had us subscribed from so many organizations. I believe I added a vacation message, so you're all reminded of our absence. Not much time to feel homesick at least not yet. 

The grand finale was waking up at 2 AM to pee and hearing someone hammering on the gate. No one was responding, so I put on my headlamp and tried to go out, but the front door was locked. I tried to go back to sleep, but the hammering continued every few minutes. So I got back up and woke up one of the daughter's and told her what was happening. Not sure how much English she understood, but enough to understand what I was trying to say. It turned out that it was one of the sons and two daughters who are in the choir and were returning from Midnight Mass. Not sure if they would have ever gotten in as I was the only person who heard them.