12/14-18/13: RWANDA: COMPASSIONATE LISTENING TRAININGS IN KIGALI & HUYE

12/14/13:  KIGALI, RWANDA: COMPASSIONATE LISTENING TRAINING DAY

Compassionate Listening Group Exercise

We took two moto-taxis to the Kigali Peace House in the morning for the training, then set up the room. We were expecting about 10 people.  Three people - the translator, the organizer and a lawyer attending the training - came on time.  We waited for half an hour, one more person showed up - the manager of Peace House - and we began with a circle dance, a Sufi Dance version of Hinei Mah Tov: Oh how lovely and pleasant it is for brothers and sisters to dwell as one."  They all loved it and the only woman, a trauma counselor, arrived before the end of the dance.

Compassionate Listening Group Exercise 2

Our focus in each training in Rwanda is to encourage the attendants to practice the principles of Compassionate Listening in groups, diads, by journaling, and we are sending them the latest compassionate listening book by Andrea Cohen in Kinyarwanda via email or giving them the hard copy.  We are running each session as a model practice group, which includes: opening dance and prayer, setting the intention with a heart-centered meditation, check-ins, introducing the exercise, practicing: here this session was on practicing listening for facts, feelings, values and non-verbals while a speaker expresses something close to his heart.  We started out with a group just the right size, which is 5 people plus one of us as time keeper.  The heart of the session was all in Kinyarwanda among themselves.  During the session 2 more men showed up, one of whom is a principal of one of the schools in Kigali and the second works in a church.

   We ended with each person expressing gratitude and speaking about what he/she learned from the exercise, then focused on describing our practice group, answering questions and finally hearing from each person how they might practice.  Bonheur, the translator, wants to set up a practice group - and 4 of the people want to join him.  The lawyer wasn't sure about joining but might do this himself in the church he is setting up.  I spoke privately with the principal about him setting up a group with his teachers and with the children.  He has great potential to teach a large group of people - parents as well, if he makes this a priority.

Kigali CL Group with their Practice Group Certificates

We ended with a final round of the dance, then shared some food, took a group photo and said our goodbyes.  We felt that our efforts were successful.  Hopefully we will hear from each one of them via email and hear what happens.

Village where Bonheur & family live

  

Heri Bonheur with child and wife

   

Bonheur sang in English, French and Kinyarwanda!

  

Joanie showed the couple family photos

   

Wife's Sister joined in looking at our family photos

We then went with Bonheur to his home to meet his wife and family via the bus.  This was our first experience of being in a Rwandan home.  Bonheur has one daughter by birth and several orphans he has adopted who live some with him and some with his mother, and he supports all of them.  His wife is studying Business Communication in school.  We ate a delicious lunch, both Bonheur and I played guitar, we looked at photos of our kids and home, and their young daughter danced.

Young Daughter dancing! 1

   

Young Daughter dancing! 2

Moto-taxied back to Mary's, then took naps.  Yehudah hadn't slept much that night and Joanie has a cold from the long flight with that sleepless night, so the nap was delicious.  When we woke we went with Mary to a Congolese restaurant "The Cool Place" across the street from her home.

We organized our stuff and are diligently writing these blogs in preparation for traveling tomorrow to Huy/Butare.  Before then we will attend church at the Peace House, one service in English and the second in Kinyarwanda, or perhaps just the latter since there will be dance and more song.

Sunday, Dec 15th: Church Service and Travel Day

Vibrant Congregant Expressing Joy at her Healing

Yesterday, Dec. 15th, we attended Evangelical services at The Peace House where most of the folks who attended the workshop go to church.  We attended the Kinyarwanda service and were luckily placed with a young woman who translated for us.  The service was some sermon at beginning and end plus several choirs - children, women, mixed, teens - singing Christian songs and swaying a bit.  Two of the women danced in a more traditional style, a guy became more animated, but mostly it was pretty moderate. One elder woman in a brilliant yellow and blue outfit spoke about her healing, praising The Lord and dancing.  Visitors introduced themselves, including us.  We sang them Reb Aryeh's z''tl "from whence my help comes..."  The minister was excited that we were Jewish and said that they read about Jews in their bible and here were 2 Jews in their church and how wonderful that was!  Near the end we got up with our CL group and danced the Sufi version of Henay Mah Tov in English in front of everyone. That idea came from Baptiste, the Kigali organizer and the keyboard player for the church.   It wound up being much more fun than we had anticipated. The theme was about the gift of God being the greatest gift. Definitely a Christmas theme. 

Young Choir

Baptiste playing electric keyboard

Back at Mary's we said our good-bys, headed via taxi to the bus.  Bus ride was two hours.  Banana trees, eucalyptus, Pygmy goats tied up along the roadway eating grass - lots of goats.  Our first view of the countryside.  The fellow next to me, Emmanuel, was a recently graduated college student having a hard time finding work as an agricultural agronomist.  We spoke about many things and when we got off the bus he left after we called the Emmanuel we are now staying with and he knew we were being picked up. Everyone is looking after us. 

Emmanuel, our Huye organizer, has 7 sons, ranging from 2 to 13 yrs old.  He is an ardent preacher, devoted to helping people out of poverty.  He told us many stories about his life while we ate dinner. His home is in process - tall ceilings, concrete walls still needing to be whitewashed, garden of corn, beans, onions, lettuce out in back, outhouse, shower next for bucket showers, next the space for cooking over coals.  Dinner was spinach, maize, potatoes, rice, small amount of meat - so, lots of starch.  And African tea, which is mostly hot milk with a bit of tea and lots of sugar.  Milk is in abundance in Rwanda, so the tea is mostly hot milk with a hint of tea, sometimes with some spice added. His brother, who teaches at a school far away, was visiting, so we spoke about education, history and such.  The brother brightened up when I gave him 2 pieces of clothing for his 2 little girls.

Monday, Dec. 16th: Visit to Orphanage

Today we are going to a church where 100 orphan children will be gathered with whom we will dance. Then xeroxing, then to the National Museum of Rwanda.  There's a place to have ice cream in town, so we will see.  This is our first warm day, but it is still very mild.  The workshop is tomorrow.  

Tilapia Ponds on the way to the Orphanage

Church Service at Orphanage

Rousing Church Service

Joanie and mother dancing together!

Joanie & mother dancing! 2

Joanie singing with kids 

We are having lunch after being with the kids.  Turned out that the pastor was conducting a service, focused on Abraham being asked to leave for the new land.  It was pretty lengthy and included basically welcoming us and imploring us for help.  Some dancing and I did get up and dance with a woman who approached me.  I suggested that we share a song that was appropriate to the scripture - Lech Lecha - and Emmanuel translated the words for them before we sang the song.  I used it as an opportunity to go around and bless the children.  That felt magical as I walked all the way to the back to see the faces of those children sitting there at the back.  

After the lengthy service we all went outside, made a large circle and I taught several circle dances, first picking a few kids to teach in the center of the circle - Che Che Kule (heads,  shoulders, knees and toes in Swahili), Happiness Runs in a Circular Motion, which was really fun and the Native American "We are all One with the Infinite Sun."  Then I tried some mirroring, doing it with one child as an example, but the kids didn't really get it and it would have taken more time and it was getting hot, so I ended with a repeat of "Happiness."  

Circle of 100 Orphans learning "Happiness Runs in a Circular Motion"

Middle Group Demonstrating with Joanie

"We are all One with the Infinite Sun"

  

We are All One with the Infinite Sun 2

The kids were really with me and it was fun - such a large group, over 100 kids.  Emmanuel wanted us to give something to each child, like candy, but we had brought a large box of crayons and several dozen pencils and distributed them.  Towards the end, the kids mobbed us and it didn't feel good. We wished we had just given the crayon box and pencils to the Pastor instead.

Basically what we learned from Emmanuel was that the Pastor of this Orphanage had just recently been given this assignment and he feels overwhelmed.  Most of the children have no shoes and some have diseases on their feet.  There are no school classrooms.  The Pastor's dream is to build a classroom and he needs to raise the funds to do this.  Emmanuel has connections with a woman in the States, I think in Virginia, who is supposed to be sending a large box of clothing and shoes for these children.  Basically, in most of East Africa everyone wears flip flops - cheap footwear.  Wouldn't take much to put shoes on these kids feet.  I kept thinking about this off and on throughout the trip when I would see a stand selling flip flops.  Will have to remember to communicate with Emmanuel to see what happened.

We are now eating lunch and having a discussion about the difference between Judaism and Christianity with Emmanuel.

We walked by ourselves to the National Museum in Huye.  Here are the photos:

Map of Rwanda

Model of Tribal Chief's House

In front of Tribal Chief's Home

Grain Storage

Sitting Stool

 Now we are xeroxing 30 RFr per back to back and one dollar equals 678RFr or a bit over $1 per Compassionate Listening book for everyone in the training.  Few people here have email, so getting the hard copy is the best way to go.  And amazingly cheap!

The exchange rate we got in Kigali will probably be the best one we get in Rwanda. 

Tuesday, Dec 17th: Compassionate Listening Training in Huye, Rwanda

We took a bucket shower this morning when we got up, which was delicious!  

Joanie addressing CL Participants with Emmanuel translating

Huye CL Training2

We met with a group of 22 Rwandans for this workshop, equally men and women, from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. with a tea break halfway through.  We began with prayer, the same dance as the first workshop - Hinay Mah Tov in English, translated into Kinyarwanda.

Circle Dancing with Joanie

The morning followed the same format as the Kigali group - focusing on facts, feelings, values and body language, with people divided into groups.  In the afternoon we focused on what's called "deepening questions" through the exercise "Stepping into another person's shoes". This exercise happens in dyads.  The speaker speaks 1. About a problem he is having with another person 2. Steps into the shoes of the person with whom he is having the problem and speaks from that perspective and 3. Speaks about what new insights he gained through the process.  In each part the listener asks deepening questions.  Before this we went over guidelines for being a listener and being a speaker, Emmanuel translating into Kinyarwanda.  We had a couple of women come up and demonstrate. Because they were speaking in Kinyarwandan, we didn't know that the speaker had spoken first from the other person's perspective. When she spoke from her own, she started to cry. It was a very moving experience and I mentioned how healthy it was to express emotion. After this we gathered together to express gratitude as a whole group.  This was a heavier session, so we then went outside and I led 2 more dances - "Happiness runs in a circular motion" and "Circle Round for Freedom," then repeated the first dance, "Hinay mah Tov."

Huye Training: Groups meeting outside

Joanie teaching circle dance2

Joanie checking in with CL Group

Yehudah then spoke about his experiences in Compassionate Listening - his travels to Israel, Syria and Lebanon, his experiences teaching in Portland.  I repeated the choices people had for continuing practice.  We went back into the classroom and finished with people sharing how they intended to continue practicing.  There was much enthusiasm about beginning a regular practice group, of bringing the teachings into churches, family, schools.  Some people don't have emails but the pastors promised to give a copy to these people.  

Huye CL Group with their Practice Group Certificates

 At the very end we took the "group picture." 

Our "lunch" group: Joanie, Emmanuel, his Pastor friend, another friend who joined us, with Yehudah taking photo

Once in the taxi it began pouring torrents and continued while we managed to run up a flooding alley and into a buffet restaurant.  The rain subsided as we ate.  African food is pretty much the same everywhere - rice, spaghetti, veggies - roots (chou, mattock, yam), and a delicious cabbage salad, then choice of beef, chicken, fish - then you put the same sauce over everything.  Plus fries.  This restaurant had aubergines - eggplant.  Plus a green spinach soup.  Large lunch! We are getting well fed. So far we have had no intestinal problems!  I got a cold from the airplane and that is now over. So, we shall see.

Rainy Huye 1

Rainy Huye 2

 Yehudah took a walk in the rain to see the big church, La Cathedrale de Butare (Huye used to be Butare) a few blocks from where we were eating.  Here are his photos:

La Cathedrale de Butare

Cathedral Art

Cathedral Clock

Inside Cathedral 1

Inside Cathedra 2l

Huye Night Shot

Our final night in Huye we hung out an Emmanuel's house.  His sons congregated in the living room, so I, Joanie, decided to hang out with them and play.  I was amazed that they were all willing to follow me in young children's games, plus they all got up and danced with me.  The oldest fellow, about 16 years old, spoke a lot about his desire to learn English and his frustration with the slowness of his progress.  They are such a sweet bunch of boys!  Here's the photos:

Three of Emmanuel's boys

Four of the boys looking at photos with Joanie

All six boys following Joanie, learning "Open, Shut Them"

"Open, Shut Them" 2

We will stay here tonight, then take off early in the morning for Gitarama, to meet a CouchSurfing friend and our next translator, Robert. Robert has never been to a training, but translated the pages we are using, and has the book, so I think he will do well.

Yehudah took these notes of the participants impressions at the first 2 sessions:

In Kigali, Rwanda: 

Sharing with others can bring a better solution.

Telling his story helped me discover who he was. 

Sharing my story and hearing others' stories, let me know I'm not alone. Others carry similar burdens. 

Appreciation for being reminded of all the elements of CL.

I will listen better for having participated. 

Showed me values I didn't know I had. 

People who can listen to my issues can share them with me. 

As I share, I see how heavy or light is my burden. 

When I hear my values, it encourages me to be a (Rwandan expression meaning "a real man/woman")

By telling my story, I heard back more than I said. 

In Huye: 

Being a listener is hard work. 

Learning the deep values and emotions of others. 

Giving more attention to listening, you see what's inside a person. 

Listening is a way of caring and helping another. 

Helping people to become free (e.g. of their grief). 

Choosing love, we have a single purpose. 

This is a very special way of being with/for another. 

In the group, there becomes a unity.

12/18/13: Travel Day from Huye to Kibuye via Gitarama

Woman carrying plantains

We are currently sitting at a Best Western in Kibuye, outside under a very black sky.  The air is slightly chilly but pleasant.  It is winter in Rwanda.  Many people are wearing winter coats, sweaters, jackets.  It rained torrents all night long last night, but, thankfully, it has been mostly dry, rained while we visited Martin Renius in Gitarama/Muhanga.  We seem to wind up sitting next to students on buses.

In the early morning Yehudah realized he was having digestive problems, the first of the trip.  So he ate rice for breakfast and lunch.  Emmanuel had invited a friend of his to meet us, a principal of a local school, who wanted to be blessed by a Jew.  These people have never met a Jew, they are Church of the Nazarene Christians, believe in the Rapture, and, because the bible says that if they meet a Jew it is a holy experience, it is a big deal to them.  They all want to visit the Holy Land.  So we blessed this man, then Emmanuel, his wife and young child.  The fellow called a relative on the phone so I could speak with him so he could know he had spoken with a Jew.  We are Jesus's family members.

On the bus to Gitarama we each made friends with the person next to us.  I seem to sit next to students. The fellow next to Yehudah was traveling later that day to Kibuye, so we actually wound up seeing him this evening here and he walked with us to this restaurant where we are waiting to eat and cannot figure out the wi-fi.

Enjoying camaraderie

Real bathroom with motos & bikes

In Gitarama, a person we met via CouchSurfing met us at the bus stop. He was so gracious and kind.  His assistant will be our translator at this training, so it was an opportunity to speak wiith him about the training and to find out more about Gitarama.

Two good friends

Our new friend helped us secure tickets for our next bus, treated us to a lunch buffet, walked us to our bus company, then went off himself to Kigali via bus.  We called Peter, the organizer Jean's brother, who would meet us in Kibuye, as Jean's grandmother just died in Kigali and that's where he went today. Hopefully Jean will be back late this eve and we will meet him tomorrow morning.

Here we are staying in our own private space on a hill above an AIDs treatment centre and below a school, in guest quarters, with a bathtub, regular toilet, but no kitchen.  Robert will stay in the dorm space across the hallway from us. We need to walk into town to get meals.  Hopefully tomorrow we will go swimming in Lake Kivu, be able to xerox the material for the training and explore some of Kibuye.  There's a memorial church in town.  The workshop here is on Friday.  We travel to Gisenyi on Saturday.